,In re-examining my life following my college years, I decided to take a different turn. I came to the realization that life is not necessarily about brazen accomplishment, as so often in order to push oneself to the seeming pinnacle of society one must accommodate oneself to the values thereof. The most important lives lived may indeed be those not often recorded in history books, the stories of men and women who raised families, the sacrifice of a single mother who supports her children after an earnest attempt at a marriage with a 'husband' who leaves, or those who refuse to live life on society's terms when social values conflict with the ultimate creative values of the universe and thereby become ultimately self-destructive.
In that vein, I decided not to pursue a graduate degree and turned my efforts, as my traditional Catholic morals would suggest, towards finding a lady to pursue, marry and with whom I could start a family. Even for a gentleman not raised in the stereotypical sheltered traditional Catholic environment, but instead with a typical, American public school upbringing who has chosen to live by Catholic ideals only through added exertion, who can more easily understand the typical, libertine American twenty-something lifestyle, it was very difficult to find that marginal woman in a parallel situation, having just enough moral consciousness herself such that my efforts and love could induce an embrace of a more moral lifestyle. Until I met Ms. Garcia.
I pursued her for nearly a year. I nudged her to attend Latin mass with me. I indicated why, based on my own public school experience, the typical schoolroom environment is not the optimal one for the intellectual advance of all (if any) children. I tried to show her that ultimately we play a key role in shaping our lives and that our intentions and actions lead us toward certain outcomes, based upon causality. Relationships are not always magically successful, but with effort a conscientious relationship can be more fulfilling than a relationship that occurs by accident. Success is found not merely in title but in actual ownership of one's life. There is ultimately a reason why American family life finds itself in the current conundrum in which it is, and that outcome is not necessary but chosen. Although patient with me, my efforts were, as I found out within the last few days, ultimately to no avail. Unable to adjust her sails to an altered course with me, she chose instead her own path.
I have no regrets in the efforts I made, and still care for her, ultimately wishing for her happiness. My only regret is that she could not realize that at least part of her dreams might be realized with me, even if it seemed upon first reflection to come at the cost of more superficial goals whose short term importance ultimately conflicts with the fulfillment that comes with living life for life's sake first, and accepting without qualification the gifts that our loving God extends to us through his Providence. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.